The Quiet Sin of an Unforgiving Heart

The unforgiving heart is so costly.

Read what Jesus says about forgiveness...

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25

I am 100% in love with Jesus, but I am also 100% human. My feelings get hurt and I can be offended, not easily, but offended still.

And every so often my Mama likes to manifest on me. She could be feisty. And heaven help the man or woman who crossed her.

I'm not saying this is good...but it is true.

She was could be a fiery dart and was known to hold a grudge like nobody's business.

Do you know someone like this? Is it you?

Well, left to my flesh, this is me.

My words are sharp and fiery...just ask my husband.

Brent has said before, "I'm not going to have this fight with you. I know I won't win."

Yuck. Isn't sin so ugly?

So. I have to be on guard. I try not to lash out with my tongue. I know "better than that".

People might see my sin. Or hear it.

But no one sees my heart.



Right?

Wrong.

God knows when I sit down and when I rise up; He discerns my thoughts from a far. -Psalm 139:2

And He loves me still? Amazing.

Unforgiving: unwilling to forgive; Having or making no allowance for error or weakness

Unforgiveness is a very quiet sin. It lingers in the soul of its carrier, rotting away, destroying compassion, deteriorating the tenderness of the heart.

Unforgiveness breeds bitterness.

And no one likes a bitter person.

The Lord warns us of the effects of this unforgiving heart. He warns us against bitterness.

HE SAYS IT HINDERS OUR OWN FORGIVENESS.

Lord, help us. Think about that.

If I went to the Lord this morning, mad at my husband - not forgiving him for something he did (or didn't do) yesterday...if I spent an hour in praise and prayer to the Lord, it would be rather ineffective.

Example: Brent and I got into a tiff yesterday. A petty quarrel about sweeping the bathroom floors. But the enemy wanted to blow that up and make us hate on each other all day. He will try to breed bitterness in my marriage. Brent and I have to stay on guard. ALL OF THE TIME.


I can not go into the Most Holy Place with the Lord when I am full of sin. When I have an unforgiving heart. No. I go into that place with the Lord....cleansed of my sin.

Cleansed of all of my hidden sin (ahem...unforgivingness).

Put on then, as God's chosen ones holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive. Colossians 3:13

God's method is quite contradictory of our flesh. When someone ticks you off....love them.

How's that for a work of the Holy Spirit?

O.K. So who is it?

Who are you thinking of this morning?

Forgive them.

Don't live in bondage to bitterness another day.

Let it go. Give it over to the Lord.

An unforgiving heart costs too much.

I Have One Thing Going For Me

Yesterday it was very clear to me...apart from Christ I can do nothing.

N O T H I N G.

John 15:5. My life verse.

Well, I guess if you count snapping at my children, discouraging my husband and making a complete fool of myself, I guess that is something.

Maybe I should rephrase ... apart from Christ I can do no good thing. Psalm 16:2

Yesterday the Lord was sweet to show me why I so desperately need him. Moment to moment.

The details are silly and rather irrelevant. Something about unfinished school work, a slice of pizza and a couple of red balloons.

Well, too, a messy house, an overwhelming attempt to have a garage sale and an unloaded dishwasher.

I told you...silly.

No good thing.

I was like a rubber band, stretched to its max, who popped and smacked my family in the eye.

Oh, I need Jesus.

Don't think for one second that I've got it all together over here.

Jesus is the only thing I've got going for me.

The split second I step out of walking in the power of his Holy Spirit, is the second I sin.

There's no one foot in one foot out.

No, it's all Spirit or all flesh.

Yesterday was flesh.

So after a series of unfortunate events with my flesh, I got in the van and had to drive to the grocery store. And out of obedience to the Word (not desire - remember, I'm still in my flesh) I begin to praise Him. And thank him. And sing to him. Loudly. Expecting peace. (Philippians 4:6-7).

And there in my "die any day" mini-van, on the way to Food City, the Lord met me. He turned my heart of stone into flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). He forgave me and poured grace on me. He filled me with his Holy Spirit and gave me, not just peace, but unsurpassing peace.

Just like that.

He is so good. So good. I did not deserve that moment with him. I deserved a Holy sad spoon. But instead he blessed me. And set my feet on a rock.

Put to death, therefore what is earthly in you. Put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:5,8,9,12-14

Anglea Thomas writes, "I need Jesus to walk around in my soul and open my eyes. I need Him to forgive, restore and change me into His likeness from encounter to encounter. I need spiritual depth and maturity. I am so needy that this cannot wait until the children are older or until our lives are 'settled.' I must finally come to the end of myself and cry aloud, 'Dear God Almighty, I cannot possibly make it apart from You." - Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul

So true. I can not make it apart from Him. He is all that is good in me.

Abide in Him today.

Happy hour and a little conflict.

I feel like I've been to the mountain top. This past week, the Lord did some major cleaning up and moving out - insecurity, pent up sin and just down right sadness. I AM SO THANKFUL!

But wouldn't you know that the enemy came right behind me and gave me one swift kick in the rear. Knocked me right off that mountain. Attack. And I'm not a bit surprised.

So here's how it all went down. This has been the last week of the Spring Semester at UT. There is so much going on for Campus Crusade. Lots of great stuff, but still a lot of stuff. I refer to busy times like this as 'Crusade on crack'. We are O.D.-ing on ministry right now. Brent is SUPER busy, overwhelmed and gone a lot. Add a sick, crying 21-month-old and a needy wife with an off-the-charts Quality Time love language. And what do you get? Marital strife.

I don't even remember what it all was. Something about Sonic Happy Hour, a miscommunication, a Cherry Limeade, a late husband , a sassy wife and an unmet expectation. A perfect combo for a little conflict. Oh, the irony of 'Happy Hour'.

I'd say Brent is really glad we are married 99.8% of the time. Friday was the other 0.2%.

Without going into the details of it all, it boils down to....I need to give my sweet husband a break, embrace seasons of life that are just going to be busy and go to Jesus to meet my needs.

I wrote in my journal, "Lord, forgive me and guide me to scripture that will help me have balance and a healthy perspective.
I need to * Choose joy *Be supportive *Encourage *Be thankful *Seek Peace * Find balance."

Here's where He led me. Sweet Lord. He is so gentle....

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

Isn't it just like the Lord to build us up before He gives us instruction. How effective. I am not feeling very holy and dear about myself at the moment, but if you say so, God.

OK, so let's break it down. What exactly does it mean to "Clothe myself with" compassion, kindness, etc. Some versions say to "put on" instead of clothe. The Greek word for clothe is endyo, meaning to sink into, enter into. As if to walk away or step out of someplace different.

This next part is my fav - The verse says, "Clothe yourself with a heart of compassion". Get this. The word for heart here is not kardia, as we have mention in blogs past. The word in Greek for heart is splagchnon. It means bowels, intestines. I seriously took a re-take when I read this, thinking I had looked up the wrong word. Nope. It means bowels. The bowels represent the seat of our more violent passions, such as anger or love. Or the seat of our most tender affections - a tender heart where mercy resides.

How cool is that?

One more thing. What does it mean to "bear" with each other. Now, I know how to be a bear. Got that down. But what does it mean to "bear" with someone? Bear, or anecho in Greek, means to hold up. Sustain. Endure. (Oh, Brent. I'm so sorry I haven't been holding you up. I've beaten you down. :( - Forgive?)

So piecing it all back together. Colossians 3 is instructing us to put "aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from our mouths" (v. 8) and to clothe or enter into our most tender love. Our most violent passions for each other. To be gentle, kind, and patient. Forgive each other and bear with, or sustain, one another. Hold each other up. Endure together. And above all else, LOVE. Love binds all of these together.

I encourage you to go and read the entire chapter of Colossians 3 if you are in a funky place, relationally. It is "relationship balm" to my heart.

So, off now to pursue my sweet husband. To ask forgiveness, bear with him and love him with all my bowels. Ahem, I mean - heart.

Be blessed.

Becky

Shout out to Tracie for the "balm to my heart" quote. Love you.