Diary Of A Fantasy Football Wife

Ethan was a six-months-old and Grant was barely three when Brent tried to explain.

"It's a draft. And I have to be on the computer at the same time as all of the guys I'm playing against. It is time sensitive. I need to be online with all of them or I will miss out on the players I really want. The computer will choose for me and that could be bad. Also, before the draft starts, I need some time to think through exactly who I am going to choose."

I was listening. But this is what I heard.

"I know you have been with a nursing baby and a needy three-year-old all day. I'm sure you've been pooped on, spit on, hit on and screamed at, but nevertheless, at 7pm I am going upstairs into my office and shutting the door. You may not see me for the rest of the night. You will be handling bedtime and bathtime alone. I hope you were able to sneak a nap today."

Confessions of a Fantasy Football Wife.



This game, so harmless and fun, was my enemy. Pulling for a favorite NFL team was now a thing of the past. Every team, every game - an opportunity to score points. I didn't get it. I just didn't get it.

It has taken time, years obviously, for me to come to grips with the truth that Brent enjoys Fantasy Football. He enjoys it because it is not just about football. It is a conglomeration of male bonding, healthy competition and the love of the game. All three bring Brent joy.

And if Fantasy Football brings Brent joy, then it brings me joy, too.

The two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

His league is my league. His team is my team. Instead of being his biggest opponent, I need to be his biggest fan.

Tuesday night, I sat and listened as Brent told me all about his draft. He's taking a different route this year, just so you know. His strategy is different. This just might be his best draft yet. {smile}

I want to support my man. In everything. I want him to know he is a great dad, a great husband, a servant leader, full of grace, full of love and one heck of a Fantasy Football Coach.

So what if it takes him away for a few hours here and there. I can deal. My quality-time-love-language will just have to wait. He does so much for his family. Shame on me for taping my toe over this. It really is harmless. These guys don't even bet money.

Here's to another Fantasy Football season! I'm pumped for you Brent. Forgive me of my selfishness over the years.

I get it now. I get it.

And don't be surprised if I am running around the house screaming for Chris Johnson to trip over his shoelaces when he’s about to score a 78-yard touchdown. I just don't want him to cost your team the title.

In Spite of Cussing and Southern Comfort

There was a time in my life when I stood outside, looking in on the Christian way of life.

I was an onlooker.



Through the window I could see joy, deep joy, peace, freedom, authentic laughter and meaningful friendships. Christians were fascinating to watch.

But I was just that...a watcher. An outsider.

By choice.

I thought that the Christian life was reserved for those who were good. People who made clean choices. People who didn't cuss. Or drink Southern Comfort.

But as fascinated as I was with the Christian life, I was equally convinced that it was restrictive, dull, condemning and judgemental. And who wants to enter a room full of people looking down their noses?

These people will see right through me. They would have my number. There is no room for people like me. They wouldn't understand me. No, it's too risky. I'll stay out here. Alcohol, sex, body image, envy, money -much safer. Out here, I don't have to change. I am familiar with this side of the window.

Whoever loves his life loses it. - Jesus

Irony: By trying to gain acceptance from my peers, I was losing. By trying to gain affection from the opposite sex, I was losing. By trying to gain attention with my sexuality, I was losing.

Losing (apollymi)- to destroy. Render useless. Be lost.

I was destroying my own life. One day after useless day, I was loving a lost life.

Whoever hates his life in this world will keep it. - Jesus

Hate my life (miseō) meaning to love less. Postpone in love.

Love my life less and I will love it more.

Quite the paradox.

Overtime, I kept coming back to that window. Standing outside. Looking in.

And the more I stood there, the more clearly I could see my reflection. My tired face. My weary spirit. My emptiness.

My side of the glass was looking less and less appealing.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. - Jesus

I needed rest. My lifestyle wore me out. People pleasing is exhausting.

OK. On a trial basis, I will walk in. Just to see what is really going on in there. At this point what do I have to lose?

Except everything?

So I stood amongst them. The Christians. Waiting, with clinched fists and squinted eyes, for the stones to hit. Waiting on my lecture of why I don't belong.

But instead, they opened my hands, and handed me stones. Stones of their own. One story after another of their struggles with money, sex, body image, lying, cheating, stealing, hatred, bitterness, envy, cussing and Southern Comfort.

Struggles. Present tense.

So. They aren't perfect?

No. But they have hope. And rest.

They have Jesus.

Whoever loves his life loses it and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12:25

Its seemed like a risk. Giving up all I knew, for this Jesus. This God who asks me to hate my life, so I can love Him more.

To love myself less, so I can love myself more.

For something that doesn't make sense, that sure does make sense.

My trial run of Jesus, became a lifetime pursuit.

A pursuit of this God who died for sex, drugs and rockin' roll.

A pursuit of this God who loved me, in spite of cussing and Southern Comfort.

A pursuit of this God who gives my weary soul rest. Who makes my tired eyes light.

A pursuit of this God who called me to hate my life - to love it less. So I may keep it.

Eternally.

Whatever we give up, He will replenish.

Whatever we lose, He will restore.

He is worth the risk.

Moonlit Contentment

This morning was a rarity.

I woke early (not a rarity), but I did not feel rushed. I was rested. The moon was full and bright through my window.

I could see.

I had no fleece, footie-pajama feet in my ribs. All the kids were still where I put them last night (a rarity).

My sheets were freshly washed - which will never grow old. I love clean sheets on the bed. Such a little pleasure.

Brent was not snoring (a rarity - kidding, kind of). He was a bit angelic laying right beside me, his face clear to me in the moonlight.

The house was quiet. Sound machines roaring gently. And a nip of fall above my covers.

As I lay on my pillow, contemplating "to get up or not to get up," I became over-whelmed by the presence of the Lord.

There He was. Waiting on me.

He had been all night.

Watching us in the moonlight.

Psalm 139:18 says when we wake we are still with Him.

We sleep, He stays.

And this morning I knew it.

Snuggled in my clean sheets, I was overwhelmed by His thoughts of me. His thoughts of my family. How vast are the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. Psalm 139:17

Amazing.

My life is far from perfect. My marriage is flawed and my little white house is nothing extravagant.

My boys wear mostly hand-me-downs and my van could give up on us any day.

I need to repaint, re-carpet, clean closets, vacuum more often and steam clean my couch.

Set up against the standard of success in American culture, we lead mediocre lives. Average. Moderate.

But this morning, the Lord confirmed that I am rich.

Not wealthy, but rich.

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world and we cannot take anything out. 1 Timothy 6:6

The sum of my riches has not one thing to do with the year of my van, the newness of my furniture, the relevance of my decorating, the style of my clothes or the amount in our bank account.

The sum of my riches rests on my walk with Jesus. My inheritance is an abundance of peace and my wealth is found in the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ (Col. 2:2).

Godliness with contentment.

I am thankful this morning for little luxuries. Soundly sleeping boys, the crispness of fall, a hush of silence, moonlit windows, sleepy-eyes on my sweet Brent, the smell of Sam's Club coffee, freedom to read my Bible, and the reality that God dwells in me. He watches over my house. And waits on me as I sleep. Blessing us, not with extravagant materials, but with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Eph 1:3).

Today, let us savor and be aware. Whatever our season of life. Whatever our day will bring.

Enjoy.

Be glad.

Be rich.

Pursue godliness.

And be content.

Random Quote - Taste and See

Tuesday, my mentor and I were talking. And I asked her a random question. I asked if I could peek inside her prayer closet - into her quiet place with the Lord. Just curious.

I love how Jesus manifests Himself on her life.

She is extremely passionate about Christ. Contagiously so. Her life is tangible proof to me that there is so much more to be desired in my walk with God. So much more to learn and know. So much more Love to have for Him.

In passing she said this.....

"I don't want to just read over Psalm 34:8 - Taste and see that the Lord is good. I really want to taste Him."

It was a random quote in our hour and a half talk. Not the focus of our time. But it has stuck with me.

How amazing that the Lord allows us to experience Him through our senses. That we can experience Him as with the richest of foods (Ps. 63:5).

For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. - Psalm 107:9

Satisfies.

We live in a very unsatisfied culture. So many people wander through this blink of an eye life, trying to find satisfaction. Looking to career, materialism, relationships, money, etc. to find fulfillment.

But it is in Christ alone that one finds lasting, genuine satisfaction.

Satisfies - to be fulfilled. To enrich. To cloy with over abundance. To flood with goods that exceed demand.

God fulfills us. He enriches our lives. He lavishes us with, not just an abundance of joy, but with an OVER abundance. He doesn't just meet our need for satisfaction, He exceeds demand.

I long to grow in finding 100% satisfaction in Christ. I hold up my cup to Him today. Asking not to just taste Him but to taste Him. And see that He is good.

Also, this song by Sarah Reeves, Sweet Sweet Sound, has been my random song of the week. It has blessed me so much. Little Ethan loves it, too. :)

Enjoy and worship today.

Visit here for more caffienated randomness.

It is well...

Meet my Mother. Darlene.

Isn't she so beautiful?

I remember when this picture was taken. We were at a cookout in May 2004. I remember smiling, cheek to cheek with her thinking, this could very well be one of the last pictures I ever take with her. And it was.

Less than a year later, my phone rings very early on a Saturday. It was my Grandmother. "Becky, you should come on over. It will be today." And it was.

That morning, March the 12th 2005, my beautiful Mama went to be with Jesus. Pancreatic cancer. I hate the thing. It was the hardest year of my life.

It was the hardest year of my life, yes, but my closest year with her. And, to that date, it was my closest year with Jesus. After her diagnosis, each moment with her was rich and purposeful. We both operated out of a knowing. An unspoken knowing that her time was very limited. Tears fall now on the remembrance.

As with many mother-daughter relationships, we had our fair share of struggles. We were not "best friend" close. Until we knew. Then the Lord knit us together with divinely woven thread. A bond that, unfortunately, only cancer could bring us.

From a spiritual standpoint, cancer was the best thing that could have happened to her. And to me. We thirsted for the Lord. We sought after Him like we never had before. Scripture was life to her. It was the only thing that made sense. I can't write that emphatically enough.

I had never walked so closely with death. Sickness allowed us to see life for all it really is. Limited. Cancer provided us an opportunity to view this life through our mortal eyes, and it all boils down to two things - God. And relationships. That is it. That's all that ultimately matters.

The Lord gave me an opportunity to see that if we strip it all away - money, busyness, materialism, media, work, hobbies, recognition - we are all left with the same thing. Our soul. That is it. The rest goes. The soul we keep. It is the soul that yearns and needs deeply. We sure can keep busy gratifying ourselves with stuff. With filler. But it is the soul we are longing to satisfy.

This is what I learned the most from my mother throughout that final year...

I watched this woman, who had a great affection for pretty things, nice clothes, and a gorgeous home, throw off all that she once held dear and pursue the Lord with great passion. She knew, then, that He was it.

The morning of March 12th, 2005, I sat at her bedside. Just the two of us. All things bare. Just our two souls and my Bible. All we had left. All that mattered. I read. I sang. And I cried. The Lord brought me to a Psalm that I had never read throughout her illness. He reserved it for this moment.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the riches of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you, because you are my help. I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:3-8

I couldn't help but read it over and over and over.

Do you see? His love is better than life. He is our help. He upholds us. He is the stuff we are looking for. He is the filler...It is He who satisfies our soul.

He is it for us.

Her faith now sight. Her soul completely satisfied. Mine on its way.

I wouldn't have chosen this for my mother. Or for myself. But I trust Him. So did she. Completely.

This morning, I am thankful for my beautiful mother who taught me to say, "Whatever my lot, Lord, it is well with my soul."

For He satisfies.

A sippy in the toliet...

This is my life. In a nutshell. Sippy cup in the toilet. I should close the computer and call it a day. This is where I am today. A sippy in the toilet. Hilarious.

Now, let me say, this is not just a blog about parenting. Although, I could start a blog named, what-not-to-do.blogspot.com. That's a good idea, actually. Hmm. But, I am NO expert on parenting, nor would I ever claim to be. But this is a blog about me and Jesus and the Lord is always using my boys to yank the "pride rug" out from under my feet.

Example...I am always on a mission to find healthy things for the kids to eat that are still "kid-friendly", yet nutritious. So I found "Wacky Mac" at Wal-mart. Spiral noodles of different colors. The colors are actually veggie spirals of spinach, carrots, tomatoes and beets. (as I write I realize it does sound disgusting). So, I disguised it with some marinara sauce, made an obnoxiously big deal about this "special dinner" and called the boys to the table.

"I don't want this" Grant said.
"Oh, buddy! How fun! Silly colored pasta! I spy something orange on your plate!"
(I can be so annoying. My poor kids.)
"Mom. I don't want to eat this."
"I'll take a bite then you. One... two... thr...."
"...Mom. I don't like colored noodles. What makes them colored, anyway?"

Busted.

After ten minutes of coaxing him into taking a bite, he finally did. Pause. Chew.
"It tastes like...nothing. It's not bad. I just tastes like nothing."

Nice. I think I'd rather him told me it was awful. So, a sippy in the toilet. A dinner that taste like nothing. Did I mention that it is 5:30 in the morning, Luke is up and he has already eaten at least a third-quarter cup of mini marshmallows. what-not-to-do.blogspot.com :)

Anyway, I promise this has a point. So, yesterday one of my dearest friends, Susie, comes over to look through some of my baby clothes. She is sixteen weeks pregnant. She and her husband, John, tried for three and a half years to get pregnant. That is a long stinkin' time. Three and a half years. Forty-two months. Twelve-hundred and seventy-seven days of waiting on the Lord. Every month, hopeful. Now, finally a baby boy on the way! So, Susie starts telling me a story about a trip she and John took to see family. While on her trip, her sister-in-law was venting about her children being sick - vomiting throughout the night and lots of diarrhea. Susie sat, listened and sympathized with her. On the way home, she and John were recapping and he said, "I can't wait for diarrhea and vomit. After three and a half years... puke and poop - I'll take it. I can't wait."

Perspective.

I thought of Colossians 3:23,24 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Whatever you do. Wow. Paul is actually writing to the slaves of the time. Slaves...work with all your heart.

The word heart is a form of the word psuche and means "from the soul, rendered "heartily." It means life, doing the will of God from the heart."

We are all are ultimately working for the Lord. Serving Him.

I am preaching to myself today. What if, just what if, I lived in the mindset of raising my kids "from my soul. Heartily. From the well of my life. Doing the will of God." Everyday. Now, I might KNOW I am living out His will for my life, but I sure don't always live like it. I sometimes just view it all as a big ol' inconvenience. A sippy in the toilet. Really?

Yes. Really.

I also thought of a verse in Ecclesiastes. King Solomon says, "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God." Ecc 2:24, 25

To find satisfaction in a sippy in the toilet, a dinner that tastes like nothing, vomiting and diarrhea. I'll take it. This too, if from the hand of God. I want the "I can't wait" mindset.

It is God's will for our lives to find satisfaction in our work. To work, ultimately for HIM.
If the slaves in Colosse can find satisfaction in their "slave" work, surely we can find it, too. Whatever your work is today, I pray we all work for the Lord and find deep satisfaction.

Be blessed.